Aperture Patented Physical Mediation Period
by suckersoprano
Summary: A boardroom argument leads to an interesting way to fight.


Silence fell across the boardroom, still and tense enough that no one dared move until Craig shut his open mouth with a snap. His hands pressed to the wood of the table until they began to change to a red color against the blonde's pale skin and his eyes narrowed into a glare at the man sitting across from him.

"_What_ did you say?"

"Said yer budget problems're YOUR fault, Pinkie," Rick supplied without a moment's hesitation; he looked smug with his arms crossed over his shoulder, leaning back in his chair.

"As I just _said_ before you rudely interrupted me, the deficit of SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS was the fault of _your_ department, Mr. Torres and if you look at the da—"

"Nope. I asked ya like twenty times t'get me those figures to prevent all that, but y'didn't listen, didja?" Rick looked a little miffed by now, just about as annoyed as Craig did.

Silence again, "You're nothing but an asshole, trying to blame this on me," Craig hissed from across the table, shoulders hunching up nearly to his ears.

"Guess y'might know, comin' from th' guy with a stick shoved so damn far up his ass no one's gettin' it out!" Rick growled, his hands balling into fists, "Y'think y'don't make mistakes, Mr. Perfect?"

"_Coward._ "

"_Prick._ "

"_BRAINLESS BRUTE._ "

"_UNLIKEABLE DOUCHE._ "

The more and more the pair argued, the more they steadily got louder and rose from the meeting table, leaning over to better yell at the other. Everyone around them began to shrink into the chairs and away from them; Gladys sighed and rubbed her temples at the head of the table. Only she would get in between the two of them and manage to survive, so she cleared her throat loud enough to make the two men and the rest of the meeting look at her.

"I'm calling a recess of this meeting for a designated Aperture Science Patented Physical Mediation Period for Fighting Coworkers. You know what this means, people. _Get out while you can_ ," she said, picking up her briefcase, "Whomever loses will be declared responsible and to add insult to potential injury, will be disciplined."

Everyone scrabbled to pick up their papers and head for the door; Gladys was the last out and she turned on her heel in the doorway, "Try not to break the table," she said simply before slamming the door behind her.

The very _moment _that door shut behind the quickly escaping committee, Craig growled and threw himself over the table, but Rick was nearly waiting for it and grabbed him by the shoulders, attempting to flip him to the ground. Craig knew that if heavier Rick managed to get on top of him, this 'mediation period' would be over quick. He wrenched one shoulder away to grab the edge of the table, flipping it over the both of them while Rick tried to throw him to the ground. It served as a proper distraction, the moment the flimsy plywood began to move, Rick attempted to grab it instead of Craig, remembering what the boss said.

"Blundering fool," Craig almost laughed in triumph.

The blonde took this opportunity to lift the lightest plastic chair he could reach and throw it right at the bigger man with a snarl. Rick had to throw up his arms in front of his face to deflect the light piece of furniture. Smugly, Craig took a moment to enjoy the fact that Rick was on the defensive, which was an arrogant move he'd regret when Rick drove his shoulder into Craig's stomach, knocking the wind out of him when they hit the wall behind them.

"Gettin' cocky," Rick chuckled.

With a wheeze and a swear, Craig grabbed Rick's tie with a white-knuckled grip and yanked him down to his level with a growl, "You made me look like a _fool_," he snapped, yanking the other end of the tie to tighten it around the other man's neck.

Rick grimaced, finding it quickly hard to breathe. He pried Craig's fingers from the tie one by one and tore the bit of cloth off of his neck, taking a few buttons from his shirt with it, "Only pointin' out the obvious, _sweetheart_," he growled back, slamming his palm into Craig's shoulder with a cry of pain from his coworker.

The bigger man swung them around with the intention of pinning Craig to the floor and declaring a winner, but Craig dug his heel into the ground in anticipation, using Rick's momentum to swing _him_ around instead of the blonde. Instead of either plan coming out, they landed on the floor in a crumpled heap with a loud thud. Craig immediately attempted to sit up, only to find he was straddling Rick's hips just as he intended, but Rick wasn't about to let himself get pinned. He grabbed Craig's skinny hips and bucked up, causing the other man to yelp and fall forward across Rick's chest, just about chin-to-chin with the dark-haired man. Red colored Craig's wide-eyed face as he tried to scramble back up, but Rick didn't let him, wrapping his arms around the small of his back, dark, winning grin saying he wasn't going anywhere.

Craig fought this anyway, pushing against his chest with huff, squirming violently to attempt an escape; unfortunately, with the way they were positioned, this only managed to drag his hips against Rick's groin. Craig gasped in shock, but Rick hummed slightly, chuckling. Little bastard didn't like close-contact like this; this wasn't a punch, or a slap he would just return or counter so the bigger man could use this to his advantage. Rick thought he knew how to win this a fun way instead of potentially feeling bad for seriously hurting the guy later.

"Almost ready t'call it quits?" he taunted, grinding his hips up to play a little game of 'too-touchy' chicken with the stuffy bastard.

Craig looked panicked and unsure for a split second, but that eventually turned into a deep scowl and neatly punched Rick right in the chin, but the bigger man dug his fingers into his hips and began to grind again, knocking Craig off balance enough for the blow to be much less forceful.

"Y-You will CEASE this lewd display immediately!" he stammered, but Rick only snickered and pulled him down harder.

This got the blonde to squeeze his eyes shut and dig his fingers into the fabric of Rick's shirt, "Hhhn…," he breathed.

That was Rick's chance and he took it; he knocked Craig off balance and attempted to pin him, but the smaller man managed to slip away, rolling to his feet to stand over the still-prone Rick, looking as though he was about to assume the winning pin position. Rick thought fast and wrapped his hands around the back of Craig's knees, yanking the man forward so he landed on his stomach again with loud '_oof'_ from both of them.

Craig's hands pressed against the floor, attempting to prevent Rick from rolling them again, which worked. Rick could probably snap the guy's wrist by rolling over it if he fought back _too_ hard and though Rick could already feel a small bruise swelling on his chin, permanent damage to either of them wasn't in his plans.

"Sticky situation we've got ourselves in," Rick pointed out, making another foiled attempt to roll them over.

"Like hell I'm going to give in, if that's what you're after," Craig hissed, fingers digging into the carpet of the meeting room.

Rick expected as much, given his favorite sparring partner was about as stubborn as they came. They sat still for a moment, both pondering their next move with most of the chairs in the room knocked over and the table tipped, but thankfully unbroken.

"Y'know what, I got a better idea," Rick muttered after a moment or two.

There was a long pause while Craig waited for the man beneath him to go on. He was moving, but not enough for Craig to worry about him—that is until he felt something warm against the front of his trousers. The blonde stiffened, but any attempts to wriggle away were squashed by Rick's strong arms hooked around his knees. He pressed his mouth against the fly of Craig's pants, warming them with a breath; Craig's cock was beginning to harden under the attention, Rick didn't let up and outlined the shape with his mouth.

"_Whah-Whaaat are you doing?" _Craig nearly cried, still struggling to escape his grasp.

The warm blast of hot air on the fabric continued without mercy until he was completely hard, Craig's fingers scraping at the carpet and his face a dark color of crimson; then and only then did Rick pull back to answer, "'Nother kinda fight, s'all. 'm gonna win this a little easier like this. Don't gotta worry 'bout knocking yer skinny ass 'round, just gotta knock yer socks off, a bit."

"_STOP THAT_," Craig hissed in a whisper, as though anyone could've heard them, which was not the case.

"Look, y'wanna go gettin' a bruised rib, a black eye, s'fine by me, but this…," he managed to snag the zipper between his teeth while Craig was still, listening, "This outta be more fun."

Just what 'this' was escaped Craig until those teeth yanked down his zipper and snagged the waistband of his boxers. He gasped, frantically trying to figure out just what the _goal_ of this was; all he could truly figure out is that while he was attempting to figure it out, he was _losing_. Especially since, Rick had worked his boxers down low enough to slide his tongue along the underside of his cock, moving upward to swirl around the head, sucking it into his mouth.

"_…Oooh…_," Craig panted quietly, body stiff and mind completely bewildered.

'Another kind of fight' were the words that rang around in Craig's head while Rick's mouth worked around his arousal. His big hands were pressing against the small of his back, pushing him down into his mouth. Another kind of fight… Craig risked moving his hands off of the steady brace they made on the ground to frantically open Rick's pants as well, biting back a moan when he felt a subtle brush of teeth against his cockhead.

He had no idea what was going on or why; all he really knew was that he had to _win_ somehow and that looked like it was only going to happen by fighting fire with fire. Fabric and zippers were shoved aside in a hurry while Craig tried his damndest not to keen low in his throat as Rick pulled his hips down to swallow more of his cock, pressing his tongue in the right places that made that task _very difficult._

A set of cool and thin fingers wrapped around the base of the dark-haired man's half-hard cock and Rick froze, completely halting his ministrations in surprise. Craig released a breath he forgot he was holding; he nearly laughed in triumph but kept quiet in favor of quickly stroking the man beneath him to full attention. It occurred to Craig to make some kind of scathing remark, but he was already nervous enough as it was, handling someone's—_Rick's_ arousal under the guise of some sort of competition. He resolved not to make his rival aware of that anxiety and simply leaned forward to give the slit of his cockhead a tentative lick.

Rick made a sound of surprise with a mouthful, sending a pleasant shiver down Craig's length, "Mmn…_nnmngh!"_

That cry of protest quickly turned into a pleasured groan once Craig fit his mouth around the shaft. He pressed, swirled, and laved his tongue to the sensitive skin and took a great deal of satisfaction in coaxing embarrassing little moans from the bigger man beneath him. With a great deal of concentration, Rick managed to keep those noises down to a labored panting. He was catching up again, Craig realized with some panic.

It was too late and Rick tightened his grip around the blonde's back, easily pulling him down with a hard suck. Craig almost bit down, letting his teeth brush against the underside of the shaft so Rick made another moan around the smaller man's arousal.

"Hmnn!" Craig's own moan got Rick's hips bucking with a frustrated noise.

They both silently worked out some kind of rhythm, moving their mouths across the other's cock in a near opposite. Their hips moved in time, bucking up desperately now that they were both turned on enough to forget their original intention.

Suddenly, Craig sat up with a moan, "Ohhh… _oh no,"_ he muttered, rocking his hips faster into Rick's mouth, "Oooh _GOD_, Rick, Rick s-stop, please, I'm going… goin—"

He bit down hard on his bottom lip to try to muffle a pathetic sounding whine. Rick didn't stop for anything, not even while Craig began to come down his throat and rocked his hips to get deeper into the other man's mouth. His whole body shook and his eyes were screwed tight; the very moment he gained control of his body, Craig's mouth was back on Rick's length, sucking and slurping in earnest to try to even the score.

Rick pushed Craig's hips up and pulled away from the sticky mess with a deep, shuddering gasp, "Fffuck… darlin', _fuck_, don't stop, don'tcha dare fuckin'—_ANNGH, GOD!"_

Craig made a pleased noise when a certain bitter warmth flooded his mouth and Rick bucked his hips up sporadically with a louder moan that his own. He made a point of swallowing around the bigger man's cock, making him violently twitch with a grunt of oversensitive pain.

With a hard breath from both of them, Craig fell to the floor next to Rick and they both took several moments to catch their breath. The smaller blonde sat up first, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand furiously, face flushed a deep crimson while he tried to pull up his pants with the other hand. Rick blinked up at him blearily, righting his clothes a lot more leisurely. Big hands dug into Craig's shirt and pulled him down for an uncharacteristically soft kiss, considering how much they'd just been knocking each other around. Rick boldly deepened the kiss and they both tasted just how bitter the other's mouth was.

Craig pulled away, wide-eyed with a face that was making a valiant attempt to turn a darker shade of red. They both jumped at the loud bang of the door opening up and the rest of their coworkers pouring back into the meeting room, immediately setting about grabbing their chairs and putting them back so they could sit at the over-turned table.

"You're both picking that up," Gladys eyed them both and pointed at the discarded table accusingly, "Who won?"

She was peering at them both with her terrifying amber eyes, arms crossed and staring down her nose at both men that sat on the floor. Neither of them looked particularly beaten, though they both looked quite winded. Rick and Craig glanced at each other before glancing at their boss, pointing to the opposite person.

"He did," they both said nearly simultaneously.

Gladys tapped the heel of her shoe on the carpet, managing to make the muffled sound seem imposing. She glared for a long moment before circling back to her own chair and perching herself on top of it.

"If that is the case, then I'll punish you both. You will be working overtime in the stock room, reorganizing the entirety of our output for the next week. Without pay," she said airily, waving her hand so the meeting could continue.

Rick's mouth split into a wide grin, though Craig was scowling at the idea of a punishment. A whole week working after hours with Craig after their odd little 'fight…'

He could think of a couple things to spice up that time to make it worthwhile…


End file.
